07
Jul
In Saudi Office
04
Jul
Im in Saudi Arabia
I got a job in Saudi Fasteners company and now im working in Dammam.
I have to develop some applications for them.
its intresting to be away from a 100% software firm.
i was bit home sick for first 2 days and now im ok. hav to take some risk in earning some money.
i really miss kevin & anitha
17
Jun
New website
I have developed a new website for a church.
Please click the link to access it.
http://www.fgpc.org.in
You can also check my website http://www.msjawahar.com
Your children love to hear your voice, to see you come in the door, to be next to you at the table, to play with you as long as you can possibly play! One father I know told me that his 15 month old climbed up on his and his wife’s bed at 6 a.m. one morning, crawled over, peered in his face, and gently put her finger up his nostril! Your children want contact with you–all of you!
Dads get a raw deal, however. The pressure to earn a living often has a desperate thread woven through it: there’s a sense that if you don’t provide, dire things will happen to your family! We live in a society in which the lack of any safety net for families translates to a feeling of “life and death” for Dads around work issues. And when work must be pursued in a worrisome way, exhaustion is not far behind. Long hours, worry, heavy expectations, an ever more uncertain working environment, and the threat of poverty all make it harder to enjoy our children. It’s also hard to think independently about ourselves as Dads and as men: what do we want to do with our lives, how do we really want to live, what’s important to us?
Listening to each other, hearing other Dads talk about parenting and about what’s important to them is a first step to climbing out of living under obligation. Just hearing how life is for other Dads can help bring a sense of perspective to our lives: the oppression of parents jams us all in similar ways. Getting a chance to say what your highest hopes are for your relationship with your children and your partner can help lift a trudging spirit. And seeing how good other Dads are, how valiantly we struggle to be our best and to care deeply, lets us go easier on ourselves.
One point that’s important to clarify is that fathers are absolutely primary parents. Children want, need, and love their Daddies. Some children grow up without the benefit of a Dad, and they manage well, but you need to know that, whatever your parenting circumstance, your child wants you close!
Children often look like they favor their Moms, and that when the chips are down, it’s Mom they want to stroke their forehead or kiss their hurt or listen to the tale of their hard day. But this is usually just the result of cultural circumstance: Mom is nearby more often when the chips are down, because in our culture, Dad usually spends more time at work. (In families in which the Dad stays home, the children gravitate to him in hard times, and it’s the Mom who has to work to keep from living on the emotional outskirts of the family.) You don’t have to remain on the emotional outskirts of your children’s lives!
What helps children grow close are simple things any Dad can do, if he has been clued in to the secret!
* Your children love play, especially physical play. So you can get down on the floor and pillow fight, or wrestle, or be a horsy, or play hide and seek. If you are careful to always lose (maybe not by much–children love a good contest), to let them have the final victory, and if you are careful not to overwhelm them with your strength in play, they will laugh and find all kinds of ways to “get” you. The more they laugh, the closer they’ll feel to you. Joy and love are built in playtimes like these.
* Your children want you to listen to their feelings, not to correct them. When children have played all-out, they feel safe enough to bring up heavy emotions. This is a golden opportunity. They are falling apart over some seemingly small issue: you said that play is over now, or you said they have to put their seat belt on, or they don’t like what’s being served for dinner. What you need to remember, in order to build closeness with your child, is that she wants you to listen while she cries! If you can love her, touch her gently, say little, and stand by whatever limit you have set (”I’m sorry, but you do have to put on your seatbelt”), she will get the bad feelings out, and will notice that you simply loved her even while she was feeling desperate or mad or sad. It’s this kind of listening that helps children feel like you are on their side forever. This kind of listening puts love in right at the most crucial time–when your child feels undone and vulnerable. All you have to do is to be kind and patient. Your child will show you more closeness and trust when she has finished her cry or her tantrum.
* Your children want your life to be good. You working too hard and having no one to talk with about what matters to you keeps you remote from your child. Children often say they want the latest expensive toy or clothing, or feel like when the TV breaks, it has to be fixed right away. But saying no to some material things (and hearing your child’s full cry about how life can’t be lived without the latest “thing”) so that you can be in your family’s life more is a huge gift to your child and yourself. Go ahead and set limits that you think make sense, limits that allow your life to be good, too.
You belong in the center of your family, close and warmly loved! And we need to work together to see to it that fathers win more time, more security of mind, and more connection to other parents*, so that we can relax and enjoy the people closest to us.
Ours was an arranged marriage. It was done the traditional way. Our Parents took care of everything. My only condition was that she should be ready to work. Our horoscopes and photos were exchanged. Everything Matched. I spoke to her over the phone. We talked about things two strangers would talk. She was a lecturer in Bangalore who felt Chemistry was more important than Hindi movies. There was no engagement. The date for marriage was fixed in 2 weeks as I could not get a vacation after that. Even the vacation time I got was just 10 days.
Everything was fixed. It was supposed to be very hectic for me. We got married and 2 days later we had to leave the country. She cried like there was no tomorrow when we left. She would not talk to me on the plane. I thought that was usual for an Indian girl. I thought she would get over it. Once home she would not talk to me. She sat in a corner staring at the TV. For the first couple of days I had to catch up on some work and did not take her mood seriously.
A week later I sat beside her and asked her, “What is wrong?”
“Why did you bring me here?”
“What do you mean? What happened?”
“I want to go home”
“This is your home”
“No. I want to go home. Please buy me a ticket”
“Look, everybody feels homesick. I did when I came here the first time. It is normal. You will get over it. Sorry I have been busy with work.
We can go out this weekend. You will meet my friends and other people who will be very friendly. Come on be a good girl”
“I hate this place. I miss my family, my friends, my college. All the people I know are not here. I want to go home”
“Think for a minute. Try to reason it out yourself. What is your plan by the way? So you want to go back and never come back?”
“Yes”
“Are you crazy?”
“If you think this is crazy then I am.”
“It is ok if you do not answer this question. Is there someone else?”
“No. I want to go home. I will call 911 if you do not send me”
“First cool down. Think about it. Think about our parents. It is less than a month that we got married and now you want to return home. You very well knew that you had to come here. What were you thinking? Even if you are returning home what happens to our marriage?”
“I am not blaming you. I take the blame. It is my mistake. I can’t stay so far away from my family. If you are so interested come to India”
“I am family too! What you are asking is ridiculous.”
The next day she would not change her mind. I called my folks. They said that it was my decision and they would stand by me. I booked her ticket and put it in her hand the next evening. She was to leave in 2 days.
Nothing would convince her to change her mind. She was crying like a kid. Then she left.
She had done nothing for me to miss but something inside me was telling me that I was at fault. I tried to shake it off but as time grew I started feeling more guilty. I called her. She made it clear that she did not find me despicable but she would not leave her city. Her parents apologized profusely but they were helpless too.
I have had crushes. None of them were serious. There was this girl in my high school tuition whose phone no I managed to find out. Then the prettiest girl in college whom everybody loved, who talked to me once. Then the girl from my city who was at my university in USA who made me feel at home when I visited her place. I had ignored them once I crossed their paths. But Anjali was my wife. I could not ignore her.
I decided to quit my job. I went home. No one back home knew I was returning. I wanted to surprise her. I dropped off my bags at my place and went to the college she was teaching. The gate keeper would not let me in. So I had to wait outside for the classes to get over.
She walked out alone, struggling to carry her bag, tired, with slow steps. She was walking towards the bus stop. I silently followed her and went behind her and whispered, “Do you mind if I carry your bag?”
She was startled and turned to face me. Her eyes lit up. I was not sure if I could hug her. I was smiling and she had a 100 questions written all over her face. “I want to spend a week with you in this city. Show me the things that you could not miss”
That one week went in a jiffy. She was treated a kid at home with all the comforts. That explained her behavior. Coffee was brought to her in the morning. Even her dress was laid out for her. She would have breakfast and leave. The bus journey was an hour. She would sit near the window with a book. Then once in the college she would teach her classes and come out tired in the evening. She would stand in the crowded bus carrying her bag which would look heavy. Then she would alight, go home, have a snack and would head out to a friend’s place. Some times she’d stay home watching TV or listening to music. When her dad returned she would join him and they’d have dinner. Then her mom would tuck her in bed. Weekends were not much different. She would sleep late, wake up for breakfast and lie down talking on the phone. Then she would visit the temple in the evening and would have her singing lessons. Then she would eat out and would head home late.
That was her life. It was something every human being wanted - simple, content and happy. Of course to her I was a villain. I told her that I understood her. I wanted to know if it was ok if she stayed in the same city but away from her parents. Her only condition was that I should not stay at my parent’s place to which I agreed. So we moved into a small apartment. She knew nothing. She had to be taught everything. She learnt. It was hard to make her understand that she had duties and she had a husband. Coffee had to be brought to her in the morning. She made the rules and broke them. She did not care for me. Sometimes she would not return home but go to her parents’ place without informing me. I would have had to go bring her back.
Slowly she started realizing about married life. She would wake up before me, try to cook, agree for a movie, visit my friend’s place, invite me to her college, let me dress her up, dance in front of me, teach me Chemistry, talk about her crushes, play cricket with me, make me cry for a change. She was growing mature day by day. One day she apologized for the whole thing. I brushed it aside. Finally I had her the way I wanted.
Today I am happy and content with my life. She is still there crying to get her things done. I keep reminding her how she had threatened to call the police. She laughs it away. Some times I wonder how life would have been if I had not returned. Then again some things are left as they are.
That’s how life is…
There are two ways of meeting difficulties:
“You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them”
29
May
13 ways to success
HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE: hang around with positive people, stay away from cry babies and complainers, because they will pull you down to their level. If something isn’t going right in your life, keep it to yourself, no one wants to hear your problems, make people believe you are having a wonderful time.
ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE: keep an appointment book so that you don’t have to use the words that sicken me: “I FORGOT.” At the end of each day, meditate upon what you did or did not do, so you can become stronger for tomorrow. Plan your work for the next day. If you know where you are going you will get there. If you don’t, you are LOST!
WORK WHEN YOU WORK: don’t take long lunch hours, and only eat with people who can help your cause, not with other salespeople. Do not sneak out of work early, if you do you are a LOSER.
OBSERVE GIRARD’S NO-NOs: No smoking or chewing tobacco, no gum, no colognes, no profanity, no dirty jokes, no alcohol breath, and men do not wear earrings when you are working. Turn off cell phones - they’re irritating. The biggest killer of them all is NOT BEING ON TIME.
DRESS THE PART: what kind of people are you dealing with. If you are selling to blue collar workers, don’t wear $500 suits and expensive shoes, jewelry or watches (it’s a big distraction). Wear it on your own time, not when you’re working - clothes can turn people off.
LISTEN!: People can tell if you’re not listening. The longer you listen, the more obligated people will feel towards you. The more you listen, the more likely a customer is going to do business with you. Listening shows that you care. “The mouth should only be used for eating - keep your mouth shut!” Silence is Golden.
SMILE!: A smile increases your face value. If people would smile more, your customers would feel better and want to do business with you, plus it’s great for your health!
RETURN ALL PHONE CALLS & EMAILS: not returning calls or emails are a way to lose customers and friends. Return your calls and emails as soon as possible. If you don’t, that’s a good way to burn a bridge!
TELL THE TRUTH: if you get caught in a lie even once, you will always be a liar. Even if you tell the truth for the rest of your life, you won’t be trusted or believed, consider yourself DEAD.
DON’T OVERCHARGE: if you do, and the customer compares your deal with somebody else, you have lost him. Take a little and leave a little; Joe only worked on a small profit, but he was heavy on volume, averaging six retail automobile sales a day. Word of mouth got around that YOU CAN’T BEAT JOE GIRARD’S PRICE.
STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR PRODUCT OR SERVICES: not behind. The most important thing to do for your customer is SERVICE them, and they will do business with you over and over again. This is what made JOE #1 IN THE WORLD.
LOCK UP EVERY SALE: after you have closed the sale, ask your customers why they bought from you - if they tell you why, they are reinforcing their trust in you. Therefore no more buyers’ remorse, MEANING NO MORE CANCELLATIONS.
REWARD YOURSELF: treat yourself well for all the smart work you have done; YOU DESERVE IT!
One of the hardest things in the world to me is starting a new job. Not only is it stressful trying to learn the work itself, but making new friends and getting to know the “office politics” can make you feel isolated for quite some time. In fact, many people tend to stick with their old jobs for those very reasons even if they’re not happy with them. Having to get used to a new work environment takes you completely out of your comfort zone, and it’s not easy for everyone to get past that stage to where the rewards may lie.
There are several things that can make the job transition a little easier. If you’re just starting a new job, or are thinking of starting one but can’t quite come to terms with the prospect of that “new job” discomfort, try some of these strategies to help things go smoother for you.
1.Remember that we all have to start somewhere - When it comes to learning your new job, no one goes into it with enough know how to make management the first day. That’s what the learning process is for. Keep in mind that all of the people who know seem so at ease at this workplace were once like you…a bit scared and totally lost on the way things work. Know that down the road, you’ll be the one to know what’s going on and those just coming in will stand where you’re standing right now.
2.Take notes - During the learning phase of a new job, information coming at you can be truly overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to bring along a memo pad and pen and let your trainer know that taking notes will help you learn everything quicker. Freehand them at first and go back later and type them up in more detail for review. Going over certain processes in your mind a few times will you familiarize you with the job in no time.
3.Be yourself…with discretion - One cool thing about starting a new job is that you’re given a small chance to reinvent yourself. Did you get the reputation of being the office gossip at your last job? Now’s your chance to play it a little low key. If you shied away from social interaction before, now you can step up a bit and make an effort to be more interactive. You can let your own natural personality shine through in effect, but take the opportunity to feel out the office first and find your niche. You might not find it right away, but with the right attitude, everyone will eventually begin to accept the genuine personality that you let show.
4.Don’t be afraid of mistakes - A personal problem that I’ve had to overcome when starting a new job is the fear of making mistakes. In essence, it’s a silly fear, since you’re not going to start something new without making a few here and there. Being afraid to mess up will hold you back from trying, and eventually learning, different aspects of your job. Jump in and try to learn as much as you can. Don’t be afraid to take a few chances, especially if the can be easily fixed. If you’re unsure, finish something and then ask someone who’s been there longer, or even your boss, for some feedback and a double check that you did everything right. Employers know that you’re new and they don’t expect you to be perfect. Being brave and attempting to learn new things will make a good impression.
Overall, keep in mind that everyone has to start somewhere and that you’re not being judged because you’re trying to learn. There’s a good chance that within a few short weeks, you’ll not only know more about your job but that you’ll be making friends and establishing yourself in the office as well.
Changing careers is a huge step, and one often overlooked for other modes of tweaking one’s lifestyle. You might try to change your wardrobe, take a fancy vacation, or head down to the salon for a new ‘do. While all of these are effective ways to reinvigorate yourself, they are all temporary, and should not be relied upon for any lasting sense of gratification.
If you feel like you’re in a rut where a drastic move needs to be taken, perhaps you’re burned out on your career. These are some of the red flags to watch out for:
Irritability at the Office
Does every little thing annoy you at work? Like when Sally, the receptionist, steals your stapler and neglects to tell you she’s designated her desk as the Lost and Found pile for your precious metal friend. Or when Bob in Logistics forgot to buy his own lunch, and opts to chow down on your wife’s home made lasagna - simply because your name wasn’t plastered all over it.
While some antics in the office are bound to get to you, if you start to notice that it’s not just the small things, but all things that get to you - it’s time to reevaluate your position. Maybe you feel you’re undervalued by your boss, or your paycheck does not reflect the increase you made in your company profit.
This might just be a warning sign that it’s time to move on.
Waking Up Wary
Do you wake up in the morning already tired of the day ahead of you? If stepping into that suit makes your blood boil, or the thought of sitting at your desk doing the same thing you always do makes you want to get back into bed, you’re in trouble.
Perhaps you’ve hit the wall, and it’s time for a promotion. Or maybe you’re just sick of your company’s policies and ethics. Either way, you need to sit down and think about your next move.
You Can’t Stand Your Coworkers
It’s never fun working with people that just don’t jive with your personality. Sometimes it’s inevitable, but if you find that avoiding those who really choke your chicken is impossible, maybe it’s time to transfer.
Perhaps you’ve never really gotten along with that certain someone, and now you are teamed up with them. Consider taking this matter up with your boss, or even have a sit down with the three of you. If you find that you can’t work out an arrangement that pleases all parties, it might be time to toast to your going away for good.
Distraction at the Desk
Can’t get anything done? Daydreaming of better days in college when the world was your oyster, only to find that Jill, the new acquisitions manager has been hollering at you to ‘wake up’ for five minutes?
If you can’t focus at work, you can’t possibly be productive. Sure, there are times when we all get struck with the La-La Land Bug, but if you find that most of your day consists of ways to torture your boss or burn down the building, it’s a sure fire sign to get out.
Have you ever felt like this, or any of these symptoms creeping up? If so, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate your situation. If you still find a kernel of hope for your current career, it’s best to sit down with your boss and talk about your issues. Be sure not to be whiney, but if you’re up front, you just might get that bonus check or promotion you really needed to get out of this rut.
If not, it’s time to jump ship. Finding a new career can be daunting, but it’s worth the temporary insanity of insecurity rather than the long-lasting ill effects of staying in a place that is sure to drive you mad for good.
UFrame combines the goodness of UpdatePanel and IFRAME in a cross browser and cross platform solution. It allows a DIV to behave like an IFRAME loading content from any page either static or dynamic. It can load pages having both inline and external Javascript and CSS, just like an IFRAME. But unlike IFRAME, it loads the content within the main document and you can put any number of UFrame on your page without slowing down the browser. It supports ASP.NET postback nicely and you can have DataGrid or any other complex ASP.NET control within a UFrame. UFrame works perfectly with ASP.NET MVC making it an replacement for UpdatePanel. Best of all, UFrame is implemented 100% in Javascript making it a cross platform solution. As a result, you can use UFrame on ASP.NET, PHP, JSP or any other platform.
<div class=”UFrame” id=”UFrame1″ src=”SomePage.aspx?ID=UFrame1″ >
<p>This should get replaced with content from Somepage.aspx</p>
</div>
- Every meeting MUST have 3 elements: purpose, agenda and maximum duration. If any of these items is missing, the meeting is meaningless and should not happen.
- Make sure you are able to define a purpose for the meeting in a maximum of 2 sentences, for instance:”This meeting is to plan the new developments for the project X”. This way, everyone will know why they are there, what needs to be done and how to proceed in order to well-succeed.
- Define a clear agenda in advance. Make a list of all the items to be discussed, revised, analysed, displayed etc. When I conduct meetings, my personal strategy is to allocate a time limit for each item in the agenda and to assign the responsability to lead the discussion to someone in the group. Works as a charm.
- Define a duration for the meeting, how many minutes/hours it should last. From the start make crystal clear to everyone what time the meeting will start and, sometimes more importantly, when it will end. It is amazing the number of managers who have absolutely no control of their meetings and do not know how to enforce the finishing rule. If you think you have this habit…CHANGE THIS !!!
- Do not wait for the delayed people. Meetings must start on the agreeded time. Do not wait about late arrivals. Do not wait for those who need to be called for the meeting. You just make sure everyone gets notified, then when someone arrives after the meeting have started, DO NOT STOP TO REVIEW WHAT WAS SAID. Do this as a proof of respect to those who arrived on time.
- If the meeting’s organizer is late, Consider the meeting cancelled, and get back to work. How long is considered late? Depends on the company, but I would not wait more than 5 minutes.
- Document your meeting. What I do is to put someone in charge of writing down the notes. What to put in the meeting notes? Basically the name of the attendants, the discussed subject, the agreed points, the next developments and/or actions with dates and their respective responsibles.
- When the meeting is over - do not wait more than 24 hours - the meeting notes must be sent to: All the participants, to those who could not make it to the meeting and to those who might be influenced by upcoming decisions.
- Keep the focus. Every meeting must have a regulator to notify the others when someone is discussing any subject outside the scope of the current topic. Ask one of the presents to volunteer for this task when the meeting is about to start. His/her task is to interrupt the meeting at any given time when the focus is lost and bring back the main subject. This new outside topic can maybe then be noted and even can be discussed in future meetings. In case of doubt regarding a specific topic being in or outside the scope, the meeting organizer has the final word.
